Journeying with Jesus...

I have had some of the hardest days (spiritually) in the last couple months. I have been wrestling with a deep sadness, feelings of worthlessness, feelings of not wanting my life to pass by without having done something worthwhile. Feeling like I don't really matter or a make a difference being here on this earth. (Please friends, this is not me fishing for kind comments-I know that I am loved and have friends.) I have never felt so incredibly alone in all of my life. This is even different from when I went through my vocal problems. It's not like the kind of alone that Satan likes to trick us into thinking, because I know I'm not alone, but I have felt that I have been on a path that no one else could venture down with me. No one except for my sweet Savior who has continually shown me that he holds me by His righteous right hand. Praise be to Jesus! (Isaiah 41:10, 41:13) I honestly don't even know how to describe what I've been going through, but it has been ROUGH! I do know that a couple nights ago, the Lord directed me back to Job 1. This is a chapter I have always been in awe of because of Job's response after losing absolutely everything that he had. His great wealth disappeared in an instant, and just as quickly he lost his family-ALL IN THE SAME DAY. And his response? "He fell to the ground to worship." v.20 I KNOW!? A while back, I prayed that God would give me that kind of faith, that no matter what my situation, whether I have much or little, whether in feast or famine, that my response would always be to fall to my knees in worship. I think God directed me back there to remind me that that was my request, and He is faithful to work us out into His beautiful shining image if we allow him. I know I have a LONG way to go, but ever since I read that there has been a peace within my soul. A calm, knowing that my Savior is with me. Knowing that he has never and will never leave me. Knowing that no matter how much I feel like I am drowning or my spirit is screaming out within me with no reply that He is always there "to help me" as it says in Isaiah 41. I want to share some words that have comforted me these past few months from my devotional "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. May they comfort you too, should you find yourself in a dark place that you have never been...or find yourself in again...

"Every person on the planet faces gaping jaws of uncertainty. The only antidote to this poisonous threat is drawing closer to Me. In MY Presence you can face uncertainty with perfect Peace."

"But those who are successful in their own strength tend to go their own way, forgetting about Me. It is through problems and failure, weakness and neediness that you learn to rely on me....Thus begins your journey of profound reliance on Me."

"Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is a trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark."

"Remember you are on a journey with Me. As you gaze anxiously into the distance, you don't even feel the strong grip of My hand holding yours. How foolish you are My child! Remembrance of Me is a daily discipline. Never lose sight of My Presence with you. This will keep you resting in Me ALL DAY, EVER DAY."

And finally a sweet verse: "Though I am surrounded by troubles...you reach out your hand, and the power of your right hand saves me. The Lord will work out his plans for my life-for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me." Psalm 138:7,8

I love you Jesus. Thank you for loving me so very much. Your Daughter,
Sarah